A Tale of Two Grandmothers

Now that I've finished the book on my Grandma Eva, I'm thinking about what comes next.  My other Grandmother, my paternal Grandma Phila, remains quite a mystery despite a lot of detective work and research.  I'd love to put together something about her, but don't (at this point) see it as a regular book.  Her life seems to me to have been so film noir.   She was born in Buffalo, NY in 1888 in a Polish/German immigrant neighborhood...or say all the records say, although I was not able to find a birth certificate or baptismal record.  I found one on her younger sister, Bronislawa (later changed to Bertha), but not on Phila.  So that leads to the question...was she really born there/then? 

The family moved to Milwaukee, WI in the early 1900's.  Her younger sister eloped, causing a rift between her parents (her father gave the OK, while her mother apparently thought he was not "good enough," according to a second cousin I discovered during my research).  The rift worsened, and the two separated.  I was unable to find a divorce record, although that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  But they were Catholic, and it was 1911-1912.  Phila remained an old maid, living with her mother and working as a stenographer. 

Somewhere along the line, Phila had an affair. She never spoke about it.  But in 1921, she and her mother suddenly moved to Los Angeles -the city of reinvented lives, women with mysterious pasts, people running from trouble.  My father was born in Los Angeles in a "maternity home" (read: home for unwed mothers) and the name on his birth certificate bears no resemblance to anyone I have been able to locate in census records, the LA City Directory, or otherwise.  I have concluded that Phila invented it. 

Her mother re-married in 1927.  The marriage certificate says she was divorced (as was her second husband).  Phila now lived alone, raising her son, until in 1931 she married a fellow Polishman who had also been born in Buffalo.  He didn't live long - died 14 months later - leaving Phila alone again with her son.  She had worked as a hairdresser, then later got work as a court reporter at the LA Superior Court.  What notorious crime cases did she come into contact with?  The Black Dahlia murder?  What else, what other "lurid" stuff of noir?  I recall that she worked there for about 25 years, but have not been able to find any records of her there.

Phila later sent my father to military boarding schools, where my father told stories of her showing up late to pick him up on Fridays where he was often the last boy waiting.  What had she been doing?  Did she drink?  Did she have other affairs?  We never knew her to mention a single hobby.  She was ferociously paranoid about money, and was always sure people were after her money.  Was she always like that, or did she get burned at some point?

She bought a piece of empty desert on the way to Barstow, and put it in trust for my father.  How did she come to buy that?  Who sold it to her and why?  Was everyone "at the office" going in for parcels cheap, that they were sure would be developed some day?  Or did someone owe her a favor?  Did she win it at cards?  Was there a story there, or was it a mundane investment by a single working mom in hopes for her son?  The parcel still sits in the middle of nowhere...no riches in sight.

She and my father did not seem to have a close relationship.  He was on his own from the time he was about 17 years old.  When my father died, she would have been about 68. But she lived a long time, till 103 years old.  In her last years - over a decade - she had been in nursing homes.  She was always paranoid about the nursing home staff, saying they were stealing from her (they probably were).  She gave her last valuables - two rings - to me and my sister, because she said she was afraid if she died, they would steal them.  Her memory failed.  During out last two visits, she seemed not to know who my sister and I were.  Once, she seemed to be recalling something that might be clue to our grandfather's identity.  She seemed to be describing a scene from her youth..."Then there he was at the bar, looking so handsome in his uniform!"  My sister and I gave each other the knowing look, sure that we were finally about to learn something, and leaned in closer, "Yes, Grandma?  Go on!"  But she immediately shut down, determined till the end not to reveal her secret.  She died alone. 

Such a very different narrative than my upright, actively involved Grandma Eva.  I envision some type of film noir screenplay or novel with lots of images of Los Angeles in those years from 1920 - 1960...very Raymond Chandler or something.  Images of the city at night, blazing and smoldering with secrets during the day, women with a past, alienated youth estranged from their parents, rebellion, cigarettes, hats, footsteps on pavement, skirts, betrayal, flawed characters. 

I've got no idea if this will lead to anything concrete.  For now, just ideas and images!  I'll let this simmer in time, see what comes.

I have always found issues of identity fascinating (loved the book and movie The Namesake).  One of the things that attracted me about genealogy was having the opportunity to really dig into the who/what/where/when of identity. 

My grandmother, Eva Marshall Totah, gave me a large box of family photos when I was about twelve.  She sat with me and told me about each picture:  who it was, how we were related, about when it was taken.  I took notes on a couple of sheets of binder paper.  When I got into genealogy about 35 years later, I dragged that box out of the garage.  Remarkably, those old notes had remained with the photos, providing information critical to piecing together the puzzle of identity and relationships.

I got into genealogy through a free online reading class that Barnes & Noble used to offer.  I had taken a couple of classes on non-fiction books (history, mostly, if I recall).  Then I found myself casting about for what to read next.  Scanning through the B&N list of available courses, I saw "Unpuzzling Your Past," a class on getting started with genealogy.  That's it!  I bought Emily Croom's wonderful set of books, took the class, and was hooked.  That was in probably about 2005 or 2006.  A group of us students from that class formed a Yahoo group and still keep in touch, although the list has been extremely quiet for the last couple of years. Members of that list were so very helpful to me in my detective work that is the joy of doing genealogy!

I view this blog as a space to discuss my journeys in genealogy, family history, US and world history and all the threads that weave into that endlessly interesting tapestry:  identity, relationships, harmony and lack thereof in the world, leading into issues of faith/religion and interfaith relations, making the world safe for future generations (gardening, composting, sustainability, urban farming, water issues)  and how all these things interrelate.  These are the things that matter to me and interest me.  I look forward to hearing from those of you out there who are fascinated by the same types of things.